I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
