ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
