Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
