Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
