that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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