I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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