You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm having to shit out rocks
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
