Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just forgot I was standing up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
