Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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