So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
