ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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