she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
