You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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