I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
