Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
