Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
