is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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