Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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