i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
