so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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