How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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