I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Shame - the story of my life.
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