I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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