he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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