my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
