I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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