just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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