Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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