The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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