dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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