if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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