how can u be prego again
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
