but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
