you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
