Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ugly people sure do ruin things
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i need some magic done to my vagina
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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