I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
