Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
