ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
