You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
