Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
