i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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