she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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