I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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