Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
