He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
