Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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