You're so nebulous sometimes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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