So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
