Plan B is the new Plan A
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
