She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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