In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
