Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
smell my finger.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
