i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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