I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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