This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
