Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
