How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
