as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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