You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
