hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
