he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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