someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm always down for nudity.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
