I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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