I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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