i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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