I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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