How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
