Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
