I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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