Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
