why didn't you poke me back
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
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Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook