Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.