I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?