were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
