Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
