He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
