Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
